This week was harder than I expected. I've worked two part time jobs since you've been born so I'm used to working a lot of hours, but most of the time those hours would happen in the evenings or on the weekends so I got to spend a lot of the day time with you. Now, you are already getting sleepy by the time I get home and I didn't feel like I really got to see you much this week. I really, really missed you.
Monday was my first day and I would have to say that it was the hardest. You were sick and not feeling well at all, but mommy couldn't call in on her first day. Thank goodness grandma Julie was here to help take care of you since daddy was already at work. Mommy left for work, but called and made a doctors appointment for you on her drive into work. I told the nurse your symptoms and she wanted to get you in as soon as she could. Grandma Julie took care of you until daddy could take you to the doctor. I called daddy to tell him all your symptoms and told him just to call and let me talk to the doctor if he needed me to. I felt like I needed to be there with you baby and I couldn't be. It was very stressful for mommy. The doctor put you on an antibiotic for 14 days, but said it wasn't pneumonia which is what I was worried about. So that was at least good news.
Then a girl that mommy went to high school with had a baby earlier this week. The baby is not doing very well, and she put pictures up online of her little girl. Her baby has a breathing tube, a line through her belly button, and is hooked up to all kinds of monitors just like you were baby. It broke my heart to see that little baby. It also made mommy feel pretty depressed. I hadn't thought about your birth in awhile, and seeing those pictures took me right back to it. I try not to think about it anymore because when I do, I feel like I relive it. I've been thinking about that baby and her family a lot this week and wish all of them the best. She is having a much rougher time than you did baby and will probably be in the hospital a lot longer than you were. Mommy feels fortunate that you recovered as well and as quickly as you did.
Mommy did have a long day this week as well. I worked my full time job on Wednesday and then went straight to my part time job after that. Mommy doesn't like to do this, but right now it is what I have to do. It was draining to be gone all day. lug around all the stuff I have to have with me these days, worry about when I need to take my breaks to pump, and try to pack enough food in the morning to satisfy me for the entire day since I have such limited food options. I was mentally exhausted before Wednesday even started because I had been worrying about my long day since the week began. I worked over 13 hours and then got up with you in the night when you were hungry. Then I went back to work the next morning. I was tired, and I just missed you so much. Your daddy and grandma Julie were a huge help to me this week with stuff around the house. I appreciate both of them so much.
Then today you rolled over for the first time while you were at your day care. This kind of devastated me. I instantly got upset because I'm missing out on you growing up right now. I might miss a lot of milestones over the next few months and that is tough for mommy to come to terms with. I wish I could be there for all of them my sweet baby. Please understand that mommy is doing what she has to do. Mommy hasn't been very smart with her money so far in life, and mommy and daddy are determined to teach you to be wise with your money. We got you a piggy bank for Christmas so you can start saving your money. Mommy got upset about missing your milestone today, but it made me even more determined to work as hard as I can over the next few years so that I can stay home when we are ready to give you a sibling. I hope that you won't think that I love that second baby more than I love you since I will hopefully be staying home with that baby once it is born. Mommy just didn't realize how attached to you she would be before she had you and she didn't save her money like she should have.
So nothing major happened this week which is actually a good thing! Your tummy is feeling better, now we just need you to get over your sinus and yeast infections. One of these days you will feel completely better I just know it. You and I are making the long drive up to grandma and grandpa's tomorrow for Christmas. Your first Christmas baby! I can't wait to spend time with you these next four days that I am off work! I love you my sweet darling, always and forever.
No comments:
Post a Comment