Doctor Visit

Oh my pretty little lady. Let's talk about how Friday ended up going. Mommy should have written a new post Friday night, but I needed a few days to get my emotions under control.

Well we did end up getting you into the doctor on Friday. You will be three months old on Tuesday, but we have already visited your pediatrician 8 times. I have a feeling that you are going to require some extra medical care for quite some time. I like your pediatrician, but I feel like it is time for us to get a second opinion on your situation. I called the Riley allergy specialists on Friday, but we need a referral to go and see them. I think I'm going to try to get you an appointment with a Riley pediatric doctor for next week so we can easily get a referral to their allergy specialist team if needed. At this point, an allergy issue is the only thing that your pediatrician has even mentioned, and I want a second opinion to make sure that we are on the correct path with your medical care.

Our usual pediatrician was out of the office so we had to see a doctor in the practice that we have never seen before. That made it hard because she has not been with us since day four of your life like your regular doctor. I was completely overwhelmed, very emotional, and getting desperate. I know I looked like a very tired and run down mother on Friday. The nurse that we saw was amazing. All of the nurses that we have seen at your doctors office have been wonderful, very understanding and compassionate. I took in several messy diapers from Friday morning to show them what I was worried about. The nurse looked at me with big eyes and told me she would be very concerned if her child's diapers looked like the ones I took in. The doctor came in and looked at them, though, and didn't seem concerned at all. She told me that she didn't think that the amount of blood loss was significant. I told her that we have been seeing diapers like that for days now and sometimes we see 20 plus diapers like that a day! Add up all the blood in 20 diapers and that accounts for a significant amount of blood lost in one day. Any amount of blood lost from a 12 pound baby should be considered significant in my book. I mean how much blood can a 12 pound baby really have to lose? Right now all her energy should be focused on her growth and development and not on constantly creating new blood cells. I told the doctor that you've been having bad diarrhea and I'm afraid of dehydration with all your stools and the blood loss. She just kind of gave me a blank stare. I wanted to ask her how many babies she sees right now who have diapers that look like yours. I wanted to ask her if she really knew what she was talking about. I was getting very angry, but I had to control myself.

I tried to plead with the doctor. I'm getting desperate. I tried to convey my desperation. I just want to make you feel better baby. I asked her what was best in terms of your feeding, and she told me that breast milk is always best. I had prepared myself to hear the doctor say that I needed to stop breast feeding so I was relieved to hear her say that. I would have been disappointed to stop breast feeding, but at this point I would not have put up a fight about it. She told me to cut out all soy from my diet as well, continue to supply as much breast milk as I am able to, and wait 2 weeks to see if things get better. Wait. Wait. Wait. I feel like we've been waiting for answers for the past 10 weeks. Frankly I'm getting sick of waiting. I asked her what we could do about your pain and she said try a warm towel on your stomach. Baby I know that won't stop your pain. I can sit here and watch your poor little tummy tighten and convulse when you are hurting and a warm towel isn't going to do anything for your pain. I asked about an infection and she said she highly doubted that you had any sort of infection. I told her my concerns about not catching an infection in time, though, if there was one. She was starting to get impatient with me I could tell. We had already been in the office for an hour and she had other patients to get to. I was just bothering her at this point. I just wanted to make her understand that I am very concerned about you and I just want to make you feel better. She doesn't have to be the one to hear you cry in pain in the evenings. She did finally send us home with several containers to collect your stool samples over the weekend so we can get them tested to make sure you don't have an infection. It has been tough to collect samples, though, because you are still having a lot of diarrhea and that just soaks into your diaper.

So we left the doctor's office without any answers and with more frustration than before. Mommy cried on daddy's shoulder for a long time once we got to the parking lot. At least daddy did tell mommy that he thinks continuing to breast feed is our best option. Mommy thought he was beginning to feel that all formula was best for you. I'm glad that we are on the same page, though. Sometimes it is hard for mommy and daddy to talk about these things. I feel like I am being such a woe is me person right now, but you are my life baby. You are what I think about all day, every day. I'm honestly starting to get angry about everything. Why did this have to happen to you baby? Why my baby? Didn't you have a rough enough start in life to be dealt all of this? I worry about your development. This is such a crucial time for your growth and brain development. Are you getting enough healthy nutrition? At least you seem to be feeling better than you did on Friday. Hopefully we can get some answers soon. I'm trying baby. I promise I'm trying. Don't you ever forget that mommy loves you always and forever.